Last week I celebrated being married to my best friend for 21 years. The day was so crazy with my older guy heading to his prom
and my little guy sick with a terrible stomach virus.
I was exhausted, but my marriage is something I am very proud of and I feel it is important that we celebrate it every year no matter what. My fantastic daughter and her great friend took care of the baby, so my husband and I could go and enjoy a great dinner out.
The meal was delicious, but the best thing that happened that night is that we sat and talked about all the things we loved about each other and our marriage. I’m not going to sit here and tell you that my marriage is perfect because it is not, but we adore each other and the family we have created. We work very hard to keep it strong. That conversation got me thinking about sharing with you the things that we have learned over our 21 years together that have made our marriage what it is today.
So here it goes
Respect – Love is great, but respect for each other is mandatory!! You have to never want to do anything that would embarrass your partner or yourself.
Communication – If you are upset about something SAY IT!!! If you need something you are not getting SAY IT!! If you are not getting the help you need SAY IT!! Too many times I hear people complaining about their spouses and I always ask, ” Did you talk to them about it ? ” 90% of the time the answer is no because they feel it will get them no where. Which leads me to.
Validation – Everyone wants to be heard and validated. When someone tells you how they feel, always listen and don’t judge. You don’t have to agree, but you owe it to your partner to hear them out and work on trying to make it work for the two of you.
100% / 100% – I always hear people say that a marriage is 50/50. My husband and I will both tell you that in order for your marriage to be happy and healthy, you both always have to give 100/100.
Honey Do-List – Early on in our marriage, we would get into a lot of arguments about my nagging and his inability to remember things I asked him to get done. The solution we came up was called a honey do-list. I would make a list of the things I needed him to do, but once it was on the list I couldn’t ask about it again and he would promise to always try and get everything done on that list as soon as reasonable possible for him. 20 years later and we are still doing this.
Quality Time – I can not even express how important it is to make time to be alone together. Believe me, I totally know how crazy life can get 😉 But just as you make the time for your kids and jobs, you have to make sure to always pencil in time for your partner. It doesn’t have to be fancy, but it just has to happen once in a while.
Always have each others back – You are a team and no matter if you agree or disagree about what the other is doing, you are to always back them up to everyone outside of your marriage. There were many times I didn’t agree with how my husband handled something, but I always stood by his side. Then when we were in private I would tell him what I think about the situation and how he could have handled it differently. We definitely listen better to each other knowing we have our best interest at heart, but no matter what we have each others back. This definitely rains true with raising your kids. Always stand together as a united front.
Remember to: Just Roll With It – You just can never predict what life is going to throw your way. Just when it seems you are heading in one direction, something crazy happens and takes you in a completely different path. This is when it’s so important to take a deep breath, grab each others hand and roll with it TOGETHER.
Marriage is hard work but when you find the right partner it is so worth it